What do you and your spouse have in common?

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Now its deer, bear, turkey, pheasant, grousse, Canadian fishing trips, etc. Keep positive and make an effort to be a couple, despite the pressures of life, work, and family. But I would like to encourage you to take interest in what your wife is doing. My philosophy about marriage, for what it's worth, is you have to evolve together.

Sometimes you think you need something else until what you've got is gone! Many retired couples spend their remaining years together miserable because they cannot adjust to it. The more we highlight our own unique ego, our own separate, individual way of being — our difference from all others and particularly from our spouse — the less in touch we can be with this great spiritual truth.

How Important Are Common Interests in a Relationship?

We figured marriage would work out because we got along so well, and lots of people told us that good marriages happen when the couple are good friends. When we were dating and engaged, we mostly just hung out at our different houses, went out to eat and did stuff together around town. Answer I want to commend you for reaching out for help before things reach a crisis level in your marriage. The marriage and family lifecycle goes through multiple stages of change, including periods of distance. Late nights, early mornings, interrupted sleep, constant interruptions and very little adult conversation are the norm. Doing things with your kids is certainly more convenient and less expensive than finding babysitters, but you both need regular experiences feeling like a husband and wife instead of only a father and mother. You may crave some alone time without any interruptions, even if those interruptions are from your spouse. The hyperstimulation of life with small children can make solitary confinement seem like a dream. You can support each other in your alone time by taking turns and letting the other really enjoy distraction-free time earlier in the day or evening when you actually have energy to do something. It takes discipline to take back your marriage from the pull of numbing isolation. Make sure you honor each role in your life. Build in a balance of solo, couples, family and friend time so you can meet all of these different needs. Your marriage will feel more like a source of rejuvenation if you both come to the marriage as whole people connected to yourself, others and your children. If you want to find common interests, then use your dates or evenings to try new things. Get creative and see if you can discover things you enjoy. Now is a time to stop chasing that high and find ways to learn and grow together as individuals and especially as a couple so you can offer yourselves and your children a strong foundation of connection. Geoff Steurer is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice in St. He specializes in working with couples when you and your spouse have nothing in common all stages of their relationships. The opinions stated in this article are his own and may not be representative of St. Have a relationship question for Geoff to answer. Submit to: Email: Twitter: Instagram: Facebook: Copyright St. About the Author is the co-author of and is the founding director of a three phase treatment program for individuals and couples healing from the effects of pornography and sexual addiction. He is a licensed marriage and family therapist in in St. He also specializes in working with individuals and couples dealing with any form of sexual betrayal. He has been married to his wife, Jody, since 1996 and they are the parents of four children. Follow him on and The opinions stated in this article are Steurer's own and may not be representative of St. When you and your spouse have nothing in common inTagged,,Anon September 19, 2018 at 9:09 am So find something you both like and do it together. You have the opportunity to find something you both like and grow together with it. What is something that you both have always wanted to do. Hataalii September 19, 2018 at 9:34 am Year seven is perhaps the most dangerous year of marriage. By the time year seven rolls around, you both have settled in to a routine. It seems as if there is nothing new or exciting any more. Leave the kids with a mature sitter for the night at least every few months. Take your spouse out for the night. A dinner at a favorite restaurant, a show, there are many types of shows, concerts or even sports events in our area, followed by a night at a nice hotel will give you a nice break, without breaking the bank. This can give your marriage a boost and be a good stimulant for both of you. Make sure the sitter has your cellphone number, then relax and enjoy yourselves. We do not have alot in common, we both like to eat though lol. That new and exciting spark probably will not be coming back. Maybe you can try bdsm or some other kink. That seems to work for some couples, at least for awhile.

I spent about 10 years spending all my time with a friend of mine. I am considering taking a tennis class and if I like it I am going to join a meetup group that meets around here. I started reading books by Melody Beattie about codependency. Such messages or posts will be removed. You said it up front that she wasn’t your type, but yet you compromised and went to live there and this then led to you both having sex. I then said it would be very romantic and endearing if he purchased a dress for me, he knows my size, and lay it out with a note telling em to put it on and meet him somewhere. Expectations are more important in relationships than a lot of people realize. If you had a bad husband, I'd be the first to say to get out and not waste time in a bad marriage. But once we get used to it, and then start to have repair bills, we become disenchanted.